Bright Light City Gonna Set My Soul....Gonna Set My Soul on Fire.

First up: I had a question on here and received a couple of emails as to which Doc I went to visit for my check-up: Men's Healthlink of Kansas City.

For anyone who cares, I will tell you I have yet to rip open the bag of peanut M&M's at work AND I've not yet fallen off the wagon on desserts. The closest I've come to having a step backwards is on a recent trip to see family in Iowa. Considering the grocery stores in Iowa don't sell anything low fat or cholesterol, I was happy to get out of there with having only one night of a very small slab of ribs and possibly a rice krispy bar or three. BUT, I had a stare down with some of the most delicious looking brownies and cookies and ate pasta salad (which I think is a waste of time on any plate) instead of that Asian cabbage salad thing that my sis-in-law makes with the ramen noodles. I even went so far as to nix the beef jerkey for the 7 hour car ride. Now THAT is commitment. Even one of the guys at work razzed me for going on a roadie without the proper nutrition.

Ok - its time to expose one of my deep dark secrets.

I'm a Craigslist addict. And you can blame this one squarely on the shoulders of my wife. She exposed me to it. She was the one who said "everyone's doing it." My wife gave me the first taste for free and since then...

Craigslist is my Tuesday Morning for contractors, tools, electronics, and a bunch of meaningless sh**. Instead of going to an old burned-out, drive-in theater-turned- swap meet, I can hide behind a keyboard and browse the ads. Long story short, I am remodeling our house into a compound thanks to Craigslist. Or at least it feels like it.

One thing I do like about Craigslist, though, is that it also serves the funny bone at times. I get a bigger kick out of reading the ads than I do watching Comedy Central some nights. I thought I'd share a recent listing that I found.

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Worley Wedding 2 Go (St. Joseph, MO)

Reply to: see below

Date: 2008-08-12, 10:24PM CDT

Wedding minister and planner for your wedding. We will go to your site to perform your ceremony. Like doing theme weddings. Weddings in the park, lake, boat, field, barn, garden, historical buildings, your home or mine. Our home was built in the 1800s and has lots of wood trim and a victorian fireplace in the living room with a mirror between the mantels. Have a lighted arch, unity candle holder that can be used for your wedding. Customize your wedding to your style and taste. Several different sample vows that you can see. Or if you like do songs to each other. Email me at worleywedding2go@yahoo.com or weddingsbypam@yahoo.com is my wife's.

To learn more and see pictures of some of our weddings go to www.myspace.com/xxxxxxxxxxxx

Location: St. Joseph, MO

it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
License info: Unlicensed

PostingID: 79438xxxx

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Holy Elvis! I thought Branson was the other direction from KC? First and most of all, I think this service is absolutely brilliant. So I applaud them for the idea. For any of you who might have planned a big-ass wedding complete with church, double-digit bridesmaids/groomsmen, over priced flowers and annoying distant cousins - you might be thinking, "Where the hell were these guys when I was saving the date?" And lets face it, people go to Vegas for this exact type of thing. So why not save the cash and just go to the boats afterwards and get the same effect? Who wouldn't want the comfort of your own living room or hay loft when saying your vows in front of a minister and your cat. Set the mood with a nice set of Glade candles and go crazy with an unorthodox theme. Maybe its a Halloween wedding - Wolfman marries the Naughty Nurse. Or plug in your iPod and put on some Jack Johnson or Jimmy Buffett and squeeze into that Hawaiian shirt you haven't worn since spring break....'93. Or better yet, you can go to them! Imagine the conversations when years later you are flipping through your wedding album and one of your friends asks, "Where did you get married again?"

You can respond with, "I have no idea."

You have to love this. I do. Part of me wants to call them for our 10 year renewal. And bring that lighted arch with them. I still have my Elvis glasses somewhere in the house. Oh, and screw the vows - we're doing songs. By then I hope to have my cholesterol in check so maybe they could swing by 31 Flavors and pick me up an ice cream cake too.

Have Some More Chicken, Have Some More Pie. It Doesn't Matter if its Boiled or Fried. Just Eat It.

The challenge is on.

Last Friday, I went to my first checkup in years as a promise to my wife. (see Honey, even if it takes 5 years, I told you I would do it!) Actually, what happened was, I just plain ran out of good excuses to use. I was listening to the radio one day coming home from work and heard the advertisement to a clinic that specialized in men's health. Chalk it up to great marketing and advertising, I placed a call and asked a few questions and sat on it for about 8 months. A couple of months ago, I decided my holdout was long enough and picked up the phone again - which brought me to Friday, July 25th, 2008.

By orders, I did not eat anything from 8pm to 9am. Only water.

I checked in, got the paperwork taken care of, signed off on allowing them poke, prod, needle or push wherever they had to.

***** Is it just me or does paperwork at the doctors office seem a bit overwhelming at this point? I understand why they need it all, but holy moses... I thought buying a car was bad. *****

Without going into the details, I got a "male checkup". Enough said. More fondling than I needed for a Friday morning, let a lone much less desirable than I'm used to at home. And the finger prick blood test was the least intrusive.


Then the alarm went off.


After leaving the room for a bit, the doc came back with a stack of papers in his hand. Some I recognized as the yellow and pink carbon papers from earlier. The others were in "the folder". oh shit. You know its probably not going to be a fun discussion when the first thing the doctor pulls out is a piece of paper with a triangle on it.

ME: "Hey, I recognize that."
DOC: "Really you do? What is it?"
ME: "That's the food chart. I think I learned that in grade school."
DOC: "Interesting. Do you know how it works?"
ME: "Doesn't it show you which foods you should eat lots of and which ones you don't need as much?"
DOC: "Well, that's part of it. Its actually called a food pyramid. It shows you the main food groups and approximately how much in each area you need. Down here we have the grains and breads..." he began to lecture. "...and you might notice, there is nothing on here for fried chicken or french fries or hot fudge sundaes."

- long pause -

"Riiiiiight." was all I could get out at that point.

ME: "So am I dying?"
DOC: "Not unless you are starving for another cheeseburger."

And thus the discussion about my numbers. Some things were very good. The nurse commented that I seem to be a very calm person, "usually most people show a little sign of nervousness or elevated blood pressure when they first come into a doctors office."

Yep, that's me. Mr. Calm Cool and Collected.

My blood pressure was good. So were the sugar levels. And so were a few other things - weight, height, my stunning good looks and my recent haircut.

I also have enough cholesterol for the entire work staff at the Chipotle on 75th and Washington.

I've always told myself I'm not going to become a statistic. I guess I'm not living up to that. So therefore the challenge. Its time to go back to the basics. Well, basics if you also include fish oil somewhere on that pyramid of dietary blahness. The Doc told me that I'm the perfect point in my life where I can go one of two ways.

A) Down the path of least resistance which includes all-you-can-eat anything and also includes the possibility of an ambulance ride if I'm lucky.

OR

B) Start eating right, exercising (more than up the stairs for another beer) and limiting the junk food and crap. Now, he didn't say I couldn't eat dessert first. But he laid out the big picture plain enough. I need to start lowering the big number. And I need to start showing immediate improvement or he's going to make it even more difficult on me. I have 3 months to see how things are going.

On my way out, I walked past the doc and nurse again before hitting the cashier desk. I gave them a "thanks a lot" in the sort of way one might thank an IRS agent. The doc winked at me and said: "Hey, don't worry. If you put the same effort into the next three months like you did the last 34 years, you won't have to worry about Plan B."

Plan B? What's that?

"There is no Plan B. I'll see you in 3 months. Now go have fun with your family this weekend!"

So here we go. Time to get hardcore. For those who know me well enough, giving up all the things I love for a few months (test run) will be a little like taking toys away from a 3 year old. But, as I told me wife, if I don't learn to look the other direction when the dessert cart rolls through or when the instantaneously wonderful smell of extra crispy wings floats through the air near KFC - I'll never be able to correct 34 years of habit. And if that is not enough, I know sitting in my desk drawer at work is a huge bag full of peanut M&M's I bought a week ago.

Oh....this sucks.

You Say You Want a Real Solution...

I've had it up to here with point programs. In the corporate world of services and retail, V.I.P. = You Got Screwed. Oh, trust me, I've been screwed more than just once by these stupid things, but you just hope that maybe once you might get something out of it. After all, if you are going to spend $5 for a movie rental, couldn't they throw you a bone after rental number 30? Sure they will, feel free to chose any from the shelves over there where the boxes are faded and look like they were used as a fetch toy in the park by the previous renter.

So this time I got the kick to the nuts from American Airlines. (Deja Vue, right?) Actually, I knew it was coming. I even told the guy before I pleaded my case that I knew I was going to take it in the shorts, but if there was something he could do, I'd appreciate it. In a previous job, I used to fly a ton. So much so I had Gold status with American Airlines as an Aadvantage member and similar levels with various hotels. Over the past 3 years, I've really slowed down on the traveling (which is GREAT) but have also watched my Gold status dwindle down to Green or Gray or whatever color they use to describe average citizens who fly a few times a year with their wife and kid and spend the extra for their ridiculous baggage guidelines and put up with their increasing bullshit on security, departures and arrivals.

To preface: When I originally signed up to be an Aadvantage member of American, the program was halfway useful. Outside of the fact that it took 6 full trips around the earth to earn one round-trip ticket to Des Moines, you used to be able to transfer your mileage to other point programs. So today I went online and logged in thinking I would move over some points to my Hilton membership, like I had done in the past, and maybe use them soon to comp a room during my wife's book tour travels. The first thing I noticed was that instead of moving points OUT of the program, the only partnerships they had were how to spend money elsewhere and turn them into mileage. I should have just stopped there.

Luckily, they had not done away with the Hilton transfer program, so I clicked the link and started filling in the form. I was just about to the end of this transaction when up comes the pop-up window telling me no such luck. Apparently after April 2008, the new rule is you have to have at least 25,000 miles or fly so often you qualify as a pilot. So I called up the 800#, tried to plead my case and to ask if there was anything I COULD do with my current mileage. God Bless the guy. I knew what the answer was and in perfect salesman fashion, he was pitching me on a credit card by the end of the conversation. Even went to so far as to email me the details when I told him I didn't want it but he insisted that I think about it.

So now we're at an impasse, unless I want to subscribe to Good Housekeeping through 2012. I have enough miles to still hang onto them to see where I am a year from now, but just below the 25,000 line to hold me right where they want me. If I don't fly again with American by August 2009, I lose the whole works. If I do fly, I better make it a trip to Egypt and back if I want to get over the 25k hump.

You have to laugh. Why does everything like this have to be so difficult. The days of the stamp card at Subway are all but gone. Not to be replaced by computers. That would be too easy. Oh no, my favorite is this restaurant near my work (will go un-named) who offered me their punch card for a free sandwich - after the first ten, of course. I might have actually bitten on it had it not been for the fact that is was the size of a bingo card. "Hey, this looks great! Does it come with a dobber?"

And rebates. Don't get me started on rebates. My father-in-law and I have had discussions of actually starting a bill making it a federal offense to offer rebates on anything. Just a few weeks ago we were in my favorite hardware store getting some stuff for the lawn. We were comparing products on the shelf - both of which were priced the same. One was offering a couple dollars off via rebate. You could see the eyes roll and the smile on my FIL face as he read it. We decided to get the product that had the rebate, but had no intention of cashing it in. Without asking, the person running the register handed me a form and two copies of my receipt and told me I had until the end of July to get the rebate. I threw it on the desk when I got home and going through a pile of papers the other night I came across it. Before crumpling it up, I'm always curious on these things as to what sort of security clearance companies will make you go through to get your $2 back. There were two ways for you to register your rebate with this place. Mail in the form with your proof of purchase from the product and original cash register receipt OR "receive your rebate faster using our online service at www.blahhardwarestore.com!"

And as if they knew I reading: "Online service is only available to BlahRewards! customers. Sign up for BlahRewards! today and receive money back on all of your purchases!"

Damn it!

Fire Your Guns!

hello? anyone?

In case you've uncovered this blog again, send me a note so I don't feel like I may have left the door open so long the crickets got in.

Before I launch - Why is it that when I was growing up, I swear I never left my hometown more than twice a year. Once in the summer and once during the holidays. But now, I feel lucky if it could ONLY be the holidays that we have to load up the car. I'm not saying I don't like the trips. I usually do. The trips to see the Outlaws, family, friends, all of it is generally a lot of fun. We had done a fairly decent job of keeping our schedules free this year too. I made my wife commit to no more than 2 weekends a month for "stuff". I wanted to make this summer be a little easier on the stress meter since we weren't planning a vacation and would essentially have to use our weekends as our decompression time. And this worked well from about April until July 4th weekend. Now its time to pay up.

I just looked at my calendar and the next time my wife and I will be in our house TOGETHER on a weekend will be August 16th. Couple of family reunions, a blogging conference, weekend at the lake - BOOM, goes the dynamite.

Speaking of which... I introduced my daughter to the finer points of redneck living over 4th of July weekend. I was off work early that Thursday so I decided to pick her up from school and take her to Walmart to pick up some things and on the way back to the house - made a stop at a black and yellow stripped tent with a black cat on it. The little red head's eyes lit up when I told her we were going to pick out some firecrackers.

To preface this, up until July 3rd she was beyond afraid of fireworks. She would literally be under the seats at Royals games following a home run. (Fortunately for her, that doesn't happen very often!!!) But for some reason, the thought of buying something devious with an opportunity for grave circumstances seemed more inviting? So we pulled up to the tent and she was like a kangaroo all the way to the entrance. We grabbed a basket and started making the rounds. A few tanks, some sparklers, a small pack of firecrackers, a couple of other goofy looking novelties, some smoke bombs, black snakes, snap pops and we were outta there with just enough crap to make a mess, but at only $25 - not enough to break a budget.

Can I just say what a ridiculous waste of money fireworks are? Don't get me wrong. I'll probably spend $25-50 next year and pretty much every year after that. But have you seen this stuff lately? They had this box in there called "The Godfather". This thing was $500 and was the motherload of all things emergency room worthy. I think it actually had a live grenade included. It was either that or some small plastic explosives. When I asked the lady working the register if anyone actually bought that thing, I guess I was expecting the same response you get when you ask about those 5-foot chocolate rabbits at the department store during Easter.

"Oh yes", she said. We've sold quite a few of them. Actually, that's the last one we have left!"

Geez, Otis. Does it come with the sleeveless t-shirt too? Half a mortgage on fireworks? At $4 a gallon, just get some gas and light the entire backyard on fire? It would be cheaper...

The cashier saw the look on my face when she said that and followed it up with, "We actually had someone here last night who got a thousand dollars worth of stuff."

I just shook my head in disbelief.

On the drive home, my daughter could hardly contain herself. Now, I'll admit, I was feeling like a little kid again. The same kid who would beg his old man to let him get fireworks every 4th only to have showdowns with his friends - holding onto the firecracker long enough so that it would go off in mid-air after throwing it. This year, I specifically went the tame route so as not to go overboard and also not knowing what would scare her. When we arrived home, we hid the bag from my wife. That lasted until my daughter, who was so excited, told her:

"We got a surprise, Mom. We got it at the tent. But its a secret."

"Did you get fireworks?"

"Yeah. Daddy got some. But its a surprise."

You have to love little kids - when they are so jacked up the they can't hold it in.

After lighting the first of a dozen or so flaming robots, I heard a small applause coming from the neighbor. The same neighbor who last year had Operation Desert Storm going on in his driveway until 2 a.m. When I looked over to acknowledge the clapping and waived 'Hello', I see him run to the back of his pick up and pull out two big boxes with all sorts of sticks poking out the top. He promptly flipped open the lid, pulled out what looked like a machine gun shell magazine wrapped in red paper only the light the whole damn thing and give me a 500 gun salute.

My daughter who was behind the tree at this point, with her ears covered and a puzzled look on her face said, "Dad! That was loud!"

My wife piped up with, "Holy crap, look at how many he has."

Under my breath I muttered, "Its freaking Tony Soprano."


My Country, Tis of Thee...

(Guess we know what my neighbor spent his federal stimulus check on!)

All You Need Is Love

Word.

Today marks lucky #7. Seven years since I grabbed my bride's hand on a sandy beach in St. Pete, FL in bare feet and gave her my promise. (so as not to ruin the picture, I'll leave out the fact that as I was looking over her shoulder at the gulf, all I could see was a very large middle-aged man in a Speedo and gold chain starring intently.)

I can still remember that weekend, though. We chose to make the ceremony into one of those hip Hollywood-style affairs. We invited only close personal friends and immediate family. I think the guest list was something like 75 and 50-some made it. But we knew those friends and family standing there were the ones we'd be counting on to support us in the best and worst of times. My wife and I arrived on Wednesday. Others who were turning it into a mini-vacation showed up on Thursday. Some flew in on Friday. It was hot. June in Florida hot. We had people partying down like spring break for 4 days. I even had some family out para-sailing just hours before the wedding. We were really hoping it would turn out like it did. It was her idea to get married on the beach. I wouldn't have wanted it any other way. (without digressing - I'm not much into the big church circuses.....er.....ceremonies.)

I look back now and realize that our whole wedding from start to finish was really very perfect. Its almost as if it were scripted for us. We are both very trusting people. We put a lot of faith in our friends, family and those we think will do the right thing. I remember when we made a trip to FL a year in-advance of the date, we spent nearly a week interviewing and choosing who was going to do the flowers, the cake, the minister. The guitar guy who played at the reception was the same guitar guy playing at the tiki hut the night we decided on the hotel/beach we were going to use. Outside of emails and phone calls, we had no other contact with the individuals we chose until a day or two before the wedding. Total trust that they would take care of everything.

When we were deciding on how we wanted our wedding to shape up, we both wanted it to be a celebration, not a ceremony. The actual vows and such were to be the only serious point of the entire weekend. We were hoping our friends would use the time to catch up with each other again and really have a good time. I was reminded this morning via an email from my wife's best friend about how all of the guests took over a hotel beach bar following our reception and proceeded to drink it dry and karaoke until the early morning hours.

Good times. Damn good times. But not as good as the past 7 years.

I've said this before and I'll say it again. My wife is by far the most beautiful woman I know. I know that sounds cliche, but you have to understand. While I consider myself to be pretty easy to handle, I also know that there are a lot of moving parts to dealing with me. I come from a big family. Sometimes our get-togethers could put the weakest of people into therapy. My wife has been able to stand her ground and from day one was able to get their attention. Not easy to do. Another problem for me is my split personality. ("You know how he gets!" sorry babe, had to throw that in there...HA!) The problem for me is when I don't eat. Hello grump. My wife can almost time it now and will make sure I'm chomping on something before I hit the wall. She knows when I need to be left alone. She also knows when I need an ear. She always picks out the best gifts for me. I, on the other hand, give electronic dartboards and place settings as Christmas presents. My wife took a step back for two years to let me pursue some goals. She put her own ambitions on the back burner and continued to work fulltime and pick up more than her fair share of child care slack. I continuously drive her nuts with my never ending yearning for guy toys. Of which, in the last couple of years she has somehow managed to get through enough to stop me from those impulse trips to Best Buy. I did fall off the wagon once this spring on a certain eBay purchase, but even then, she was willing to compromise by dragging me to the mall kiosk to show me which blackberry phone she was going to purchase with our cash. (I likened that trip to when you shove a dogs face in the carpet where they peed.) We rarely fight. Argue loudly sometimes, but rarely fight. We never go to bed upset. Even if someone has to be awoken in the middle of the night - its getting solved before morning. All of my weakest attributes are her strengths. The keel to my boat, so to speak.

I made a commitment after my grandma passed away last fall, that I was going to turn things around a bit. No more stress. Focus on family. I read an article about a coach who was being interviewed about his successes in life. One of the questions concerned his long-time marriage. When he answered to how he's been able to maintain it for so long with all of the distractions, he said something like, 'You don't stop dating your wife after your wedding day. If you show her the kind of love an affection after marriage that you showed her when you were trying to impress her before you gave her a ring, then you'll never have to worry.' So true. I realized that I needed to change some things. Since last fall, she has started to gear up for her book release. A dream come true for her. The same dreams that made me fall in love with her in the first place. I got to see her at a book fair event a few weeks ago. As we were waiting for her to take the stage, I started to get nervous. The same nervousness as when I was driving to KC to see her in the fall of 1998.

I've heard the phrase 'Seven Year Itch'. I know what it means. We've had friends with itches - some have scratched. This morning when I was getting ready to take my daughter to school, my wife yelled at me from the shower, "Happy Anniversary!" I sort of chuckled because in true fashion, we woke up a bit late, and were rushing around. When we got to school, I bent down to give my little girl a big 'squeezy hug' as we always do - this time she said, "Happy Anniversary, Daddy." I almost lost it.

At year seven, there are no itches here. I've already got two beautiful girls at home. What more does a guy need?

I love you Rita! Thank you for the best 10 years of my life! I can't wait until our next DATE!

Like A Rock....Standin' Arrow Straight.

Oh boy, the news circling Camp Bumblef*ck...er...Roger Clemens Legal Team is getting downright hilarious.

For the sports-challenged, I'll summarize: Roger Clemens - multiple Cy Young Award winner in major league baseball and generally revered as one of the best pitchers to ever play, has been backed into a corner over the last 8-9 months. When news broke about the Mitchell Report on steroid abuse by major league baseball players and it had Roger's name in it, he's been in an all-out campaign to clear himself. Problem is, generally where there's smoke - there's fire. Even my wife has heard of the steroid scandal in baseball, so I won't digress any further. I will say that I was still in Roger's corner after the report was released and wanted..WANTED to believe this guy because I respected his level of ability as a potential Hall of Fame player. But he's learning a very hard lesson - you don't turn your back on your friends. To make this short, he spit on his ex-trainer who for years was a trusted confidant, only to throw him under the bus when the report came out. The trainer was one of the key informants who provided names to the FBI, and the story unfolds.

The latest information, or rumors - whichever you choose to believe, about Roger Clemens is not so much a stab at the former pitcher as it is hilarious in general. Apparently some of the little pills that the former pitcher was "allegedly" downing in the clubhouse were not painkillers or steroids or anything like that. In fact, they were even more performance enhancing.

Viagra.

Yep, the latest trend among some athletes is supposedly the other Vitamin "V". The little diamond-shaped blue pill will help deliver oxygen to the blood system and thus enhance the muscles (or muscle....sorry) to better the athlete. And in true Bull Durham fashion, it has its carry over effects for after the game as well. Not to say Clemens would have cheated on his wife or anything - I mean, the guy was linked to a country singer among others and did play a sport where he's living out of hotels half the year.

Let the funnies fly. Since Viagra is pretty easily obtained, can you imagine if many more athletes started using this? I would hate to see what the FCC would do if during the Olympics, NBC shows a still photo to determine the gold medalist of the 100 meter dash.

"Fred, looks like we have a photo finish on this one."
"You're right, Charlie. Lets take a look."
"Ahh...Fred....um...it looks as though...er....well, I guess the Russian looks to be the first to cross the line."
"I'd have to agree, Charlie. And he won it by just a ...well...well...."
"Boy these athletes in Russia are getting bigger and stronger, aren't they Fred?......... ......................Fred?...............................Fred?"

- Have you ever wondered why baseball players scratch so much? Well maybe we have our answer now. In fact, its possible they were just readjusting, instead of scratching. You know, it would be hard to swing a bat or throw a ball if you are pitching a tent.

- No offense, but how does one of these guys come out of the shower after having took Viagra earlier before the game and he's still sporting? "Hey Jimmy, what are you doing tonight? JESUS Jimmy! Put that thing away! Somebody throw him a towel!"

- Speaking of Bull Durham, could you imagine if Crash Davis was using Viagra as part of the plot in that movie? It would have gone from R to XXX in no time. Heck, just the name Crash Davis is nearly perfect for porn. And who knows how life would have changed for Susan Sarandon.

- I would hate to be a pole vaulter or high jumper on Viagra. "Damn it! I keep knocking the bar down!"

- Actually, what would be more funny would be a streaker at a sporting event who is on Viagra. I wonder if the cops would go as quickly to make the arrest.

- There are some sports that would be just wrong with Viagra. Water polo is the first to come to mind. They'd have to take "Marco Polo" breaks every 10 minutes just to keep the competitors honest.

- NASCAR, now that would be something if all the drivers were on Viagra. I'm not sure what it would do for their racing ability, but after the race, the track infield would be a little like a Friday night in Wyandotte county. All the overnight trailers for the race teams would sound like a mouse trying to get out of a toaster. Busch Light and Viagra. woah.

- Could you imagine cycling? Keep that thing out of the chain or you'll end up like Ben Stiller's character in "Something About Mary."

So many stupid things wrong with this picture I don't even want to go further.

Suffice to say, Clemens has a rather sticky situation he's.....ok. I give up.

If It Makes You Happy....

Ahhh...F.A.C. is upon us. TGIF. And National Donut Day to boot. As soon as I made my boss aware of this, he bolted down the street to pick up a couple dozen. So with a stomach full of bear claws and maple-frosted french curlers, its time to digress....

Last night I was able to check off another concert on my list. (THANK YOU "SB" 4 GETTING THE SEATS!) For the first time, I was able to catch a Sheryl Crow show. Due to some storms in the area, I made the decision that staying sober was a good idea. I also usually have a rule that if I'm seeing one of the concerts on my Top 10 list for the first time, I want to at least be cognizant enough to soak in the whole experience. So two large Cokes had me wired pretty well throughout. And she didn't disappoint. In a rather comedic gesture, they blared Jimmy Cliff's "I Can See Clearly Now" prior to Sheryl coming onstage as the thunderheads began to roll in overhead. Ironically, there were points during the night that blue sky peaked through.

Besides the fact that I think Sheryl Crow is MILF #2 (next to my wife, of course) her music, more than any others, made a very distinct impression on me. Mostly her older stuff. Without going into detail, I can tell you that "Leaving Las Vegas", "Maybe Angels", "Home", and "All I Wanna Do" have very significant meanings in my life. There are very few singer-songwriters who I latch onto their music and find myself searching for more. She's one of them. Gordon Lightfoot is another. And definitely Neil Young.

But the concert was everything I was hoping it would be. She played many of my favorites, definitely hit a few of her new ones, and outside of a few funny moments when she brought her opening act back up on stage to sing along - the band was tight. Crowd was about half full at Starlight Theater. The one good thing about a concert that size is that you know you are getting only the hardcore fans. Especially the two (sometimes 10) in front of me. Superfans, I guess you could say. They were dancing so hard they would have made Kevin Bacon blush.

I will say, though, that the Starlight security crew was a little over zealous on that policing of picture taking. They were all but taking the camera phone out of your hand if you got caught putting it up in the air to snap a photo. There was one lady near me that, I swear, was only waiting for me to pull my phone out of my pocket so she could continuously warn me. That would have been perfect - kicked out of a concert for the first time - a SHERYL CROW concert nonetheless - and I wasn't even drinking. Would have been a definite loss of man-card there. So all in all, an A+ show for me. Would definitely go again.

I had an interesting conversation with one of the individuals (another Superfan, I might add) I sat with prior to the show. We got to chatting about the economy and the amount of panic that our current state of affairs has people going through. We see the headlines: "Gas over $4", "Jobless Rates Climbing", "Foreclosures Hit One Million Mark". I am continuously reading the stories of desperation this is causing. Just the other day, I read an article about a Mom and Daughter who were caught stealing flowers off of grave sites the day after Memorial Day - to sell for extra money. I read a report put out by AAA that indicated the increasing number of people their organization has recovered in the past year who were stuck on the side of the road - out of gas. Apparently drivers are filling their tanks only half-full and going well past the "E" mark on the gauge.

There was a report on CNN that talked about this new phenomena of "hypermiling" to get better fuel economy. (look it up if you've never heard of it - crazy) I love the almost daily news articles I read of people stealing gas out of parked cop cars, pulling the copper wiring out of street lights to sell to a metal dealer, rummaging through trash bins behind fancy restaurants to supplement their grocery shopping. (these were not homeless people, mind you.)

And the latest - Ed McMahon foreclosing on his $4.8 million dollar mortgage. I love his quote that he gave Larry King when describing what happened, "Well, if you spend more money than you make, you know what happens. And it can happen. You know, a couple of divorces thrown in, a few things like that. And, you know, things happen."

Shit happens, Johnny. Heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeere's Fannie! Or maybe his was through Countrywide. Whatever.

All I know is, I count my blessings every day that I've got an indescribably good family and social network and a great job that pays comfortably. I'm in a position where I work with Joe Average customer every day. And every day I see people taking that one final leap off the sanity cliff as if they are at rock bottom. I read a funny article this morning where a lady who loves to go to garage sales was looking forward to the harvest this summer. Supposedly another new "investing" model is to steal your neighbors belongings from the curb after they have been foreclosed on - so that you can put them on eBay.

Only in America.

Spent that rebate check yet?